


I Hate You More

by Kitkat_7



Category: MCU, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25517410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitkat_7/pseuds/Kitkat_7
Summary: You're in love with Bucky- but he hates you. Right?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11
Collections: Marvel xReader Fanfiction Fest 2020





	I Hate You More

**Author's Note:**

  * For [waywardodysseys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardodysseys/gifts).



You had walked into the Avengers Tower conference room timidly, giving all of the Avengers a shy smile and small wave- You weren’t very trusting with new people but something about them felt… safe. As if nothing could ever hurt you again so long as you were with them. It felt like you were part of the family; It felt like home.

\----Two months later----

Bucky was head over heels for you; He liked everything about you since the very first day he met you. He craved your touch and loved the sound of your laughter more than anything, the way your eyes lit up when you were excited and how your intoxicating scent drew him in. And for him… that was a big issue. He wasn’t ready to deal with all of the emotions that welled within him when you were around and he definitely couldn’t admit his feelings. He told himself you wouldn’t feel the same way but deep down he knew he was just afraid. 

So he made a decision.

God, it killed him to do it- but he made himself hate you; Forced himself to give you nothing but rude comments and cold glares at every turn. He didn’t talk to you unless he absolutely had to. 

You tried to be friends with him, you did everything you could think of; Invited him whenever you went out to the bar with Sam and the girls, asked him if he wanted to train together or watch movies- but he just sneered and turned away. After weeks of the same cold treatment you couldn’t handle all of the rejection and blatant hate you received from him, so you stopped asking him to do things with you and eventually you started avoiding him; made excuses not to go to movie night, making sure you were never in the gym at the same time as he was.

Regardless of the hate you received you couldn’t bring yourself to return it- quite the opposite, actually- You fell for him. Hard. Fell for the small smiles he gave so rarely (Even though they were never directed at you) The soft sound of his laughter ringing throughout a room and the sweet way he displayed his love for the team. His ocean blue eyes that you could get lost in so easily, the deep, warm lilt of his voice. 

Why did you have to be in love with the man who hated the ground you walked on?

\------------------------------

A year later and he still hates you. 

Now you're standing in the conference room of the Avengers Tower, being briefed on your next mission by Director Nick Fury himself- Or you were being briefed before a certain tall, dark and brooding Sergeant stormed in. 

“Director, may I have a word?  _ Privately?”  _ He emphasizes, shooting you a deliberate glare.

“Well I would love to accommodate you, Sergeant, but as you can see I’m having an important conversation with Agent Y/L/N,” He states easily while Bucky looks at you coldly. “I’m sure whatever you have to say to me, you can also say to her as well."

“I don’t want to be her bodyguard,” he says bluntly, switching his gaze back to Fury.

Chuckling lightly, Fury looks between your fallen expression and Bucky’s stone one. “Care to explain why, Sergeant?”

“She’s cocky, arrogant and reckless, she’ll do anything to get her way and God help us if she doesn’t- she’s stubborn and hard-headed.” Bucky regrets what he’s doing to you; He hates hurting you like this but he doesn’t know what else to do so he schools his features and presses on, delivering the final blow. “I enjoyed my time with Hydra more than I enjoy being around her,” he finishes, immediately regretting it when you flinch away from him and your mask slips, your features morphing into an overwhelming expression of pain and anguish. 

You quickly put your mask back in place, willing yourself to keep your eyes from tearing up. You subconsciously run your fingers over where you know the scars are on your forearm from when you were a prisoner of Hydra. Only Fury knows what happened to you and you’d like to keep it that way for the time being.

Sitting up, Fury starts stacking files briskly, giving you a small apologetic glance; He knows what effect the mention of Hydra has on you. “Well Sergeant, as much as I would love to help- I can’t. You are one of our best agents and she needs to be protected. Hydra wants her and we can’t let that happen. You know what they’ll do if they get her. We have bigger issues than your feelings at the moment, you may both go,” he says dismissively. 

Turning, you make your way out the door and away from both of them as quickly as possible as tears stream down your face despite your efforts to keep them at bay. After all this time his words and actions still cut deeper than any knife ever could.  _ Why does he hate you so much?  _

\------------------

It’s been a little over a week since you were assigned your bodyguard and you're sick of it already. Why couldn’t you get a bodyguard that actually  _ likes  _ you? God, it’s frustrating; being tailed constantly by someone who probably doesn’t care if you live or die- especially when it’s  _ literally _ their job to keep you alive. And as luck would have it, he has to go on your next mission as your bodyguard. You don’t need Bucky to go; It’s an easy mission, gathering intel from a double agent and you could easily do it by yourself. Child’s play. But Fury insists on him going with you. 

So here you are; Sitting in a club, sipping on bourbon and coke- Without the bourbon- Waiting for your contact to show while Bucky watches you from across the room. He’s trying to focus but it’s hard when you're wearing  _ that;  _ Form-fitting black jeans and matching knee-high leather boots, a tight, long-sleeve maroon crop-top that accents your curves perfectly. 

You usually wouldn’t wear this but tonight you're not you- you're just a girl out for a night on the town with her boyfriend- So you play your role, toying with your necklace and squealing excitedly when your ‘boyfriend’ comes and kisses your cheek before taking his place next to you. 

“So what do you have for me?”

He leans closer, whispering in your ear, “Rumlow has a meeting set up tonight, he’s bringing in another weapons shipment on the east loading dock by the river.” 

You rage inwardly at the information but keep in character, pressing your lips to his before leaning to whisper in his ear, “What time?”

“11 o’clock sharp, he’s bringing his squad with him.” 

“Shit,” you mumble, faking a smile before standing to go to the restroom. “I’ll be back in a minute, baby,” you say cheerfully, loud enough for anyone close by to hear.

Bucky glares across the room at your contact, he knows it’s all a ruse- but he still bristles when the other man touches you,  _ kisses  _ you. 

His girl.

_ What? Where did that come from? She’s not yours _ , he reminds himself but he still rages inwardly.

He snaps back to reality when you stand and move towards the ladies' room. Anyone watching would have thought you looked like you were having the night of your life but he could see the energy and rage sizzling beneath the surface.

\-------------------------

You storm into the bathroom, the door slamming shut behind you. You lean heavily on the counter, staring at your reflection in the mirror as you will the tears to stay down but it’s no use. Rumlow. The man who literally ruined your life. He was your captor during your time with Hydra- He’s the one who gave you your scars. You run your fingers up under your sleeve, grazing the scars gently as the tears start to fall, the only sounds are your quiet sobs of anger and the tip-tap of the leaking faucet. You yank your sleeve down quickly when you hear the door open behind you. 

You whirl around, not expecting to come face to face with Bucky.

“What the hell are you doing in here Barnes? Someone could have seen you! Or what if someone comes in? You could blow my cover!” You fume, not really mad at him but you need an outlet for your rage. 

“Calm down, doll. I just came to see if you’re okay,” He murmurs, locking the door to keep you from being interrupted. 

“I’m fine,” You tell him unconvincingly, swiping at the tears that are rolling in steady rhythm down your face. 

“You don’t look fine.”

Scoffing, you turn away, leaning on the counter again. “Since when do you care?” You spit bitterly, turning your head away from him.

“I’ve always cared…” He whispers softly, reaching out to comfort you but his hand drops to his side, his fingers curling into his palm uselessly. His words surprise you and you look at his reflection in the mirror. You don’t know what you were expecting to see there; Sarcasm maybe? An indication that he was lying? But all you see is a gentle sort of… Openness and honesty on his face that confuses you all the more. 

“What do yo-” You start but you're cut off by someone banging on the door and yelling: “Hurry up!”

Snapping out of your thoughts and confusion, you push past him towards the door; blinking back fresh tears. “I have to go.” And then you're gone- making your way through the crowd quickly without a backward glance at the man who’s calling your name. 

\--------

Bucky walks towards your contact, sliding in next to him casually, but he’s raging inside. “What did you say to her?” He asks quietly, desperate to know what has you so absolutely wrecked. He’s never seen you like this… He’s seen you storm out of a room with tears running down your face (courtesy of him) He’s seen you punch a man in the nose for making a pass at you- But never like this. 

"Exactly what I was supposed to. It's my job to pass on the information and I did, it’s not my job to babysit the agents afterward or keep track of where they go."

"What. Did. You. Say." Bucky spits through gritted teeth, his metal fingers digging into the bar. 

Sighing, the agent turns towards him fully. "Look, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but since she's your girlfri-"

"She's not my girlfriend."

The agent gives him a disbelieving stare; one eyebrow raised in question. "It sure looks like she is. I saw you on the other side of the room- you looked like you were gonna slit my throat for touching her."

"I'm still considering it." 

Ignoring the not-so-empty threat, he continues; "I told her about the meeting Hydra Agent Brock Rumlow is having tonight and after I gave her the location and time, she split." 

Pushing away from the bar, Bucky slips on his leather jacket. "Who’s Rumlow? And where's she going?" He asks briskly, all business despite his wildly beating heart. 

"You really don’t know who he is? Sorry but that I can’t tell you- You’ll have to ask her. And she’s going to the east loading dock by the river, Rumlow will be there in less than an hour." 

Nodding curtly, Bucky storms towards the door, people moving out of the way when they see the frenzied looking giant of a man.

\-------- 

“What the hell do you think you're doing?” Bucky growls, pushing you against the brick wall in the alley that you're using for a stakeout point.  You wince when your shoulder hits the wall painfully, your head tilting back to meet his anger-filled eyes.

“Staking out a dangerous Hydra operation,” You say nonchalantly.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, what are you actually doing here? Why are you going in without backup? Or telling me? What’s so important that you have to risk your life for it?” He demands, his Brooklyn accent growing thicker, expression darkening further.

Anger flashes in your eyes at his question. “Why the hell should I explain it to you? It’s none of your business, and even if it was it’s not like you would care anyway!!” You yell, heat rolling off of you in waves as he takes a step back, grip loosening as he stares at you in confusion and regret- He didn’t mean to be so hard on you. He was just worried.

“Doll-”

“I am  _ not  _ your doll,” You growl. “I am not some  _ pathetic _ girl you can just order around like you own her and then treat her like absolute shit, so _ don’t _ start with me."

He whispers your name as you stalk past him, heading for a better viewpoint. “I didn’t mean it like that, please…” He trails off, but you're already disappearing into the shadows.

“Damn it!” He huffs, slamming his metal hand into the brick wall before tailing you, finding another alley not far from where you are; watching the loading dock.

A little while later, Bucky curses when he sees two dark SUV’s pull up, followed by another two vans. He watches intently as ten men step out and approach each other- five from each group of vehicles. He strains to hear what they say, but even with his enhanced abilities, he can’t make out anything of use.

Before they get any farther than a few words, you spring out of the shadows close by, easily taking out three guards as Bucky swears again before racing out to help you. By the time he gets there, you’ve taken out another three- Thanks to the element of surprise and training with Natasha.

Firing his Glock quickly he takes out two of the remaining four, lost in the flurry of ringing gunshots and the sound of fists connecting with their targets. Springing onto the remaining two, Bucky tussles with them a moment before knocking them to the ground and turning to see another Hydra agent stalking up behind you as you scuffle with another, his knife drawn. Shit. He must have miscounted. Before Bucky can fire his gun again he’s tackled from behind, his gun skidding just out of reach as he scrambles to fight off his opponents. Rolling away from the first and rushing to his feet, he kicks the second squarely in the chest, sending him flying against the truck, his head lolling to the side; unconscious. Clamoring to his feet, Bucky rushes to grab his gun, firing it in quick succession, hitting his targets expertly- 4 rounds. 2 men. 1 goal. Turning quickly to locate you, he sees you straddling the last one, your knife pressed against his throat and your teeth bared dangerously. Approaching slowly, he watches as you whisper a name… Brock.

Bucky looks on in confusion as the man laughs dryly, his eyes glinting with… confidence?

You dig the knife deeper into Brock’s neck and watch as blood trails slowly down his skin, leaving deep scarlet trails in its wake. As Bucky steps closer, he catches the end of what the man was saying:  “-You always were weak.” 

You visibly tense before throwing your dagger to the side and by the time Bucky jumps forward to pull you off, you’ve landed several well-aimed blows and Brock’s face is covered in blood.

You're all breathing hard as you struggle in Bucky’s grasp, lunging at the no longer arrogant man on the ground. “I am not weak, Brock. I survived- I survived every cruel thing you did to me; Every stab wound, every burn, every  _ scar _ . Every. Single. One. And not only did I survive, but I made the most out of my life after everything you put me through; I got a job that allows me to catch bastards like you, and that job gave me a family- a family that doesn’t know my past and doesn’t care because they love me anyway. And all of that makes me strong. Stronger than you could  _ ever _ be,” you growl, looking over your shoulder in surprise when you hear sirens and turn to see Fury’s black Tahoe screech to a halt, accompanied by three other black SUV’s; Agents piling out of them, guns drawn.

Bucky grabs your arm and hauls you back as agents surround Brock and you stare up at Bucky. “Did you call him?”

“I did.”

Wrenching out of his grasp, you turn towards him. “Why the hell would you do that? I was doing fine! I had it handl-”

“You mean _ we _ ! I saved your ass! without me, you would be drowning in a pool of your own blood right now!” 

Snarling, you start with a biting remark when the world around you starts to spin and you stumble unsteadily into Bucky’s chest. You barely register Bucky’s arms wrapping around you or him calling your name as hot pain sears through your side. Everything seems fuzzy; Muffled. You swear you hear Bucky say your name but he sounds… panicked maybe? You can't tell, it sounds so far away and all you know for sure is your side feels like fire and then everything goes black.

\------------

You try to open your eyes but close them again as bright lights flash above you over and over as you're rushed to the OR. You hear voices on both sides of you but it hurts your head to focus on their words. Opening your eyes again, agony greets you as the too-bright lights worsen your headache. Everyone and everything around you looks bleary. All you can feel is pain and a large, warm hand engulfing yours. You feel like your about to fall back into the abyss when you hear another voice-

Bucky?

"It's okay sweetheart, I've got you. Stay with me doll! Please- don't leave me. You’re gonna be okay, It’s okay." You're not sure if he actually says the last part or if it’s your imagination- what you wished he would say. Hell- you're not even sure if it really is Bucky running next to your trolley or if it’s just the lights playing tricks on you.

\-----------------

When you wake up everything seems blurry. Blinking, you glance around for the source of the annoying beeping, your eyes landing on a monitor system, the tubes and wires attached at various points on your body. You shift in your bed, wincing when agony sears through your abdomen.

When you groan in pain Bucky jumps to attention, taking in your tormented frown and confusion clouded eyes.

You look even more confused when your gaze lights on him. “How long have I been here? And... why are you here?” You ask; bewildered.

“3 days. I’ve been waiting for you to wake up- I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Bucky confesses, looking up at you through his lashes timidly- Under different circumstances, it would be funny. You’ve seen Bucky many things, but never so… small looking.

Your expression furrows further, your confusion growing. “You- 3 days- Why?”

“I don’t know.”

You look back down at your lap. “Were- were you with me? When they brought me here? I could have sworn I heard you and that you were holding my ha- Nevermind.” You mumble, keeping your eyes downcast. 

“I was,” Bucky whispers, a light blush tinting his cheeks. “With you, I mean… And holding your hand,” He confesses under his breath but you hear it nonetheless. You look at him again when he murmurs your name gently. “I was really worried about you.” 

Your brows knit together, puzzled beyond belief. 

“Why do you care? I thought you hated me?” You whisper so quietly he wouldn’t have heard if not for his enhanced hearing. His gaze jumps to your face as you pick at an imaginary thread on your blanket, blaming your boldness on the drugs they gave you. 

“I don’t hate you,” he says softly, looking down at his hands.

You laugh dryly, giving him a sad, calculating look. “Really? Because It sure seems like it- Judging by the cold glares and harsh comments. We’ve known each other for over a year and you're still like this- I’m beginning to think it’s just your personality... Why do you hate me?” You try to keep your voice even but it breaks, coming out as a broken whisper.

“Because it’s easier than the alternative!!” He half yells, his face flashing between anger and something you can’t quite place. 

“What’s the alternative?” You whisper, eyes on him as he runs his fingers through his hair.

Huffing out a breath, he stares at his hands like if he does it long enough he won’t have to answer your question. When your stare doesn’t falter he scoffs slightly, shaking his head- 

At you or himself you don’t know. 

“James…”

Bucky gives a short, mirthless laugh; eyes flashing indecisively.

I have a right to know,” you murmur, hoping to coax him into telling you. “Please…” You beg, more perplexed than ever.

“The alternative would be to tell you I really really like you and ask you out but I can’t do that because I’m scared that you’ll say no so it’s just easier to hate you!” He says frantically, face flushing scarlet as his jaw clenches in a hard line to stop himself from saying more.

Your move your lips but no sound comes out as his words sink in; recognition dawning on you. 

“I- You made me think you hated me so that you wouldn’t have to ask me out? What the hell, Barnes?” You fume, watching as his eyes widen at your outburst and he ducks his head in embarrassment. “Yeah… That’s about the size of it, Doll.” 

“Do you have any idea what you did to me Bucky? How many nights I went to bed crying because of you? How many times I rearranged my gym schedule and faked being sick so I wouldn’t have to go somewhere you were? All because you didn’t wanna ask me out! And you know what, the amazing part is that I couldn’t even hate you after all of it- Even though you were a total asshole I still liked you and thought you were amazing!” You finish, breathing hard.

“You like me?” Bucky asks, his whole face lighting up with hope.

“Really? That’s all you got from that?” You laugh, quirking an eyebrow at him as your eyes glint with amusement.

“Um, yes?”

You burst out laughing at his confused puppy look, gasping when a wave of pain washes over you.  "Well, I guess that's the important part," you huff playfully. 

Bucky chuckles lightly but his eyebrows draw together in a puzzled line when you stare at him expectantly. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm waiting for you to ask me out like you said you would, dummy, " you tease, the corner of your mouth turning up in a smile as his eyes light with understanding. 

"Hey, doll?" He asks, continuing when you give a low hum of acknowledgement. "Would you like to go out with me?" 

Your whole face lit up as your eyes sparkled. "James Buchanan Barnes, I thought you'd never ask."

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't how I envisioned this story going but I hope you liked it regardless! Please let me know what you think!


End file.
